Help for Families

What am I Doing Here

As parents of children with disabilities, developmental delays or chronic illnesses, we will be members of many teams throughout our children’s lives.

These teams include:

• The ones to provide medical services to our child the early intervention
• Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP) team and later a school’s
• Individualized Education Program (IEP) team.

Although the IFSP team purpose will be explained to you, you may still be wondering what part you can play with all the “professionals” gathered with you. You may even feel frustrated and confused with being asked at the first meeting “what goals do you have for your child?”

The most important thing to remember is that you are at the table speaking on behalf of your child and family. Make sure all of the team members are as committed to your child and family’s success as you are. Use family stories, pictures and your own positive attitude and ideas to set the tone for the meeting. Do whatever it takes to help the other team members see your child as you do.

Who is the expert?: Every team member is an expert, including you! Everyone at the table has something valuable to offer. You are the expert regarding your child and family. You provide the continuity and long-term memory to the planning process. Make sure you benefit from all of the expertise at the table, and let them help you achieve the dreams you have for your child.

Lean about everything the system offers and is required to offer: Sometimes families don’t benefit from all that is available to them because they are not aware of all that is available to them! If something doesn’t feel right, ask questions. If something is not being offered that your child can benefit from, let the group know.

Define the goals: make sure that all the team members have the same definition of the listed IFSP or IEP goals. Do not accept statements such as “that is automatically done or assumed”. If you question something, don't sign the document. Share it with others and get their thoughts first. You sign when you feel ready and confident about the services to be provided.

Respect: As a member of any team you should expect to both give and receive respect. Acknowledging the value of the other team members can go long way toward earning respect.

Trust: Work at gaining the trust of the other team members just as they should be working at gaining yours. Sometimes team members may need to be reminded that trust is earned. A non-threatening way to do this is may be to say something like, “I realize that I have to earn your trust, just as you have to earn mine”.

Communication: Try to see things from someone else’s perspective as well as trying to help them see it from yours. Spending a little time getting to know the other members of the team and their backgrounds can help you to understand where they are coming from when they offer input.

Choose your battles: Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Sometimes a compromise can satisfy all of the team members. If you are standing alone, how strongly do you feel about the issue in disagreement and what effect do you want your stance to have on the ability of the group to move forward?

Emotion: Sometimes, after all our best efforts, disagreements occur. If this happens, balance emotion with reason. If you feel like you will be unable to control your emotions, leave. It is okay, and a good idea sometimes, to take a time out. As a parent of the team you will feel things a lot more personally than other group members and the decisions will impact you in a different way.

Keep it in perspective: When disagreements occur, attack the problem, not the person. Don’t prepare for a fight, prepare for a discussion. Be as flexible and open to persuasion throughout the process as you desire the other team members to be. Realize that understanding and agreeing are two very different things.